Confessions of a Girl Gamer

Writing is Harder Than It Looks

2010-06-26T03:11:00.002-05:00

It's so easy to be a geek when all you have to do is consume other people's work.

Producing that material is so much more work.

But that's me. I'm not content to let other people be the geeks so I can be a fan of their geekiness. Nope. I've got to go and create more geekiness.

So what do I do? I decide to write a fantasy novel. But not just one. A whole series of fantasy novels. People will tell you to 'start small' and 'work your way up.' Nope, not me. Those are tactics for normal people. I'm not normal people. I'm crazy and I have too much time on my hands.

I can't even have a normal fantasy novel. It has to be different. So different, in fact, that it needs its own magic system. I mean, technically, it doesn't need one; the fantasy canon provides a perfectly decently set of magical principles for general use for the low low price of $19.95, shipping and handling, and your first-born son. But I'm just too cheap even for that I suppose.

Hey I know. Instead of writing whole books, I should just create the magic systems that go in them. Let's see here, what can we make magic out of?

Oh, I know! Coffee. Coffee-based magic. Whenever you want to cast a spell, you have to drink a cup of coffee. Different flavors of coffee are used for different kinds of spells, and the better the coffee, the more effective the spell. But of course, all magic has to have a side-effect. In this case, the more coffee you drink to fuel your spells, the more jittery you get. Eventually, the effect of the jitters cancels out the power of the coffee and you just can't do any more magic. You also can't sleep.

What about light-based magic? You can use the sun and stars, or lack of them, like the shade under a tree, to cast spells. The power of your spells is based on the intensity of the light or darkness. Drawbacks: sunburn from casting too many powerful light spells.

Hair magic: spin and weave your own hair to do magic. Curly hair is bad for magic because it makes crooked spells. Straight hair is more reliable, but awfully boring. Drawbacks: Bald men can't do magic. Also, if you do enough magic, you'll be bald from using too much of your own hair.

Hell, let's make a magic system that uses herrings to chop down trees. That should be interesting.

Perpetual Newbie, Perpetuated

2010-01-06T21:59:00.002-06:00

So.

We learned the other day that perpetual newbie is perpetual.

I've been struggling with DPS despite having the right gear, spec, rotation, and gear enhancements. I was just keeping up with raid DPS.

So.

We were doing a guild run of Naxx. Now, we've got Naxx on farm. We're all in Ulduar and ToC gear at least, and some of us have a few ICC pieces.

So we're in Naxx, about to down Heigan. The raid leader asked for a soul well and I obliged. Next thing I know, the priest (and raid leader's wife) asks me why I'm using the first level of soul well. I'm rather puzzled; isn't there only one level of soul well?

So we get to looking, and there is another level. It trains at level 80. How did I miss that? I decided to double check, and I was missing another 80 spell. And a third. And a fourth...

Horror dawned on me. I HADN'T TRAINED LEVEL 80! Upon further investigation, I hadn't trained 79 either. At this point, my dear dear husband announces this to the entire raid. The raid leader stopped the raid and told me to head back out and train. So I headed to Undercity to train.

I ran out of money.

So our raid leader follows me, despite my insistence that I had trained everything important. He gives me some gold and I finish training.

We head back to Naxx, and my DPS has doubled!

"OMG YOU GUYS I FOUND MY DPS! IT WAS IN UNDERCITY THE WHOLE TIME!"

Damn I'm good.

Flightpaths are Dumb

2009-09-13T20:54:00.004-05:00

So I have a 48 priest.

I was in Felwood but needed to head to Undercity. I had a quest to turn in in Searing Gorge and decided to do that on the way.

Well, 'on the way' if you consider a hemisphere a small detour.

The zeppelin to Grom'Gol got to Orgrimmar first, so I took that one, planning to fly to Searing Gorge.

I got there, and then kept going! The flight path took me past Searing Gorge, into the Badlands to Kargath, and then back to Thorium Point in Searing Gorge.

Now what was the point of that?!? It's like going through L.A. to get from New York to Texas.

You Know You Have Too Much Time On Your Hands When...

2009-09-11T13:48:00.000-05:00

...you've found the perfect spot in Falconwing Square to camp four easter eggs simultaneously during Noblegarden without moving...

...and you have enough chocolates from camping them to get all the achievements...

...and the spring robes...

...and the Elegant Dress.

...you run from Bloodhoof Village in Mulgore to the hotsprings in Un'Goro Crater, as a rabbit, because you don't have the wand but you want the achievement to lay an egg in the springs.

...you get irrationally angry when you are hit by a basilisk and knocked out of bunny form, right before you get there.

...you have the explorer achievement...

...and Flame Keeper...

...and The Noble.

...you ran Scarlet Monastery Library just to get the books for Well Read...

...and Scholomance...

...and you thought it was fun.

...you organize your WoW screenshots by character and event.

...you make lists like this one...

...and you've done everything you've listed.

Well, That Was a Learning Experience

2009-08-26T13:49:00.000-05:00

So, it turns out that if you die in Icecrown, start flying back to your corpse, leave to make a sandwich, and come back running in place against a wall in Wintergrasp, it is impossible to get back to Icecrown.

Instead, one must find the waterfall over Icemist Village, fall, run through the village and all of Dragonblight, and then navigate the Crystal Vice to get back to Crystalsong Forest, where one regains the spectral gryphon.

It was a learning experience. A very long learning experience.

The moral of the story: Don't go AFK on a spectral gryphon.

Irony

2009-08-17T14:48:00.000-05:00

So.

I love the new achievement system on World of Warcraft. I've had loads of fun trying to get random achievements.

But for the longest time, one achievement was eluding me. I tried and tried and tried, but I just could not get the last requirement.

The achievement? Defeat all the bosses on Heroic Violet Hold. Well, that's easy, right? Just go do Violet Hold. Wrong.

Only two out of the six bosses spawn during any given run. For the longest time, I had five of the six. I just could not get Erekem. He never spawned! My frustration grew.

Then, one day, my husband did Violet Hold without me. You know where this is going, right?

Yep.

Erekem.

I could not believe it. All this time, and he finally shows up while I'm cooking??!?!?

I knew I would never get that achievement.

Then. The very next run. The portal keeper heads in that direction. But there's more than one boss on that side. He won't go to Erekem.

But he does! And I joyfully announce "FINALLY!!!" in party chat.

Ah, that beautiful achievement. It's so pretty. After at least a dozen runs of Violet Hold, I have the achievement. Twelve runs, and Erekem spawned ONCE.

Wouldn't you know it, he showed up the very next run.

Screw you, Murphy.

What Would You Do-o-o For a .....Strawberry Ice Cream?

2009-06-30T14:50:00.000-05:00

I was recently asked "What is the farthest you have traveled for food?"

The first thing that came to mind was the quest for Westfall Stew. I swear I killed every boar in the zone before I had the required three Goretusk Snouts. For a rather common piece of anatomy, they sure were scarce. Unless, as I suspect, they were all on crack and their noses just fell off or something (I think that must be the reasoning behind most of WoW's drop rates - have you ever noticed how many seemingly headless creatures are wandering around out there?).

Then I got to thinking. Yeah, the Westfall Stew quest was a pain, but really, I didn't go very far to get it. It just seemed like it because I was running in circles killing everything in the zone several times over.

No, the farthest I ever traveled was quite a bit further than the other end of the zone. Try the other end of the world. And for what? Strawberry Ice Cream.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you read that right. I traveled the length and breadth of both Azeroth and Draenor for a simple ice cream cone.

It was Children's Week. I love children's week. I stopped by Orgrimmar first chance I had and got the quest. And the orphan. The little orphans are so cute.

So I got out my whistle (is anyone else disturbed by whistling up an orphan? It reminds me a little too much of the beginning of The Sound of Music) and called up my orphan so I could get the quests. Get Cairne's hoofprint, check. Visit the throne room at Undercity and the Mor'Shan Rampart in the north of The Barrens, check. Nothing in Orgrimmar. Of course not. That would be too easy.

So off we go, the poor little orphan running behind my demon horse. We visit the ramparts and get Cairne's hoofprint with no trouble. Then on to the Eastern Kingdoms to visit the Undercity.

So I get all these quests done. Oh, hey, there's another one. He wants ice cream. Tigule and Foror's Strawberry Ice Cream, to be exact. From the racetrack at the Mirage Flats in Thousand Needles. Why couldn't this quest have shown up while I was still on the same continent???? Or better yet, before I'd left Orgrimmar. After glaring at my orphan balefully for a few minutes, I grudging agree to go find him some ice cream.

Back to the zeppelin we go. Thankfully, I find a vendor in Orgrimmar who sells this ice cream, since I wasn't looking forward to a second trip down Kalimdor.

That was my first year doing Children's Week. The next year, I help out the orphans in Orgrimmar and then head to Outland to help the little orphans in Shattrath. This time, I gave the orphan my sternest look and told her in no uncertain terms to tell me RIGHT NOW if she wanted any ice cream. No? Ok, but I'm holding you to it.

So off we go, to visit Sporregar, the Throne of Elements, the Dark Portal, and then to Azeroth to visit Silvermoon City and the Caverns of Time. We had to pass near Orgrimmar to get to the Caverns, so I asked her again if she wanted any ice cream. Nope. Ok, let's go.

We visited all the places she wanted to see, and as soon as we got the toy dragon in the Caverns of Time, sure enough, now she wants ice cream. At this point I threw up my hands in surrender and bought her the damn ice cream.

And that's how I traveled the length and breadth of two worlds for a damn strawberry ice cream cone.

And the worst part is I'll do it all over again next year.

Perpetual Newbie

2009-05-26T14:51:00.000-05:00

So I’m convinced I’ll never actually be a good player. I’m the perpetual newbie. I can’t seem to ever get the hang of it.

Just yesterday this was brought to my attention again. My husband (BlueRageBar) and I were discussing respeccing my warlock for more damage in dungeons. I am probably the only DPS class to ever use dual specs—for 2, yes 2, DPS builds. One is for damage, and one is for not dying. See, when I first started playing, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. As opposed to now, when I only sort of have no idea what I’m doing. I knew I was a warlock and that…no, I knew I was a warlock. That’s about it. My first few hours of playing were so bad I’m almost ashamed to admit them. You have to understand, World of Warcraft is my first MMO EVAR.And that I’m really, really bad at action adventure games. There’s a reason the only computer games I owned were Tetris and Monopoly.

So I download the trial version of WoW. I pick my character. Now, I freely admit to being a girl. And to being a girl at times, if you get my drift. I had an issue. I had to play Horde, so I could play with my husband. But the Horde races were sougly. It was awful. The only race I actually liked didn’t have the option to play a Warlock. I ended up playing an undead Warlock. In retrospect, I should’ve picked an Orc. (Thankfully, two weeks later my brother offered me a copy of Burning Crusade and I was saved by the blood elves. That’s what hooked me on WoW—pretty elves).

So I’ve got this warlock. Ok, now what? Oh, hey, here’s a guy with a ! on his head. Maybe he knows something. Nope, but he knows someone who does. So I go talk to this other guy. First quest complete! This is where we run into trouble. This other guy wants me to go kill some stuff for him. Ok, I can do this.

Ok, seriously, how do I do this? Obviously, there has to be a way to kill stuff. so I run up to some guy and start stabbing at him. Except nothing’s happening. He’s just standing there looking at the crazy warlock waving a dagger in his face. So I hollered for my brother. “Hey, how do I attack something?” “Right click!” OHHHHHH. I can do that. I right-clicked on the…thing…I was supposed to be killing. Oh God it’s eating my face!!!!!! So, being the newbie that I am, I start frantically right-clicking hoping something will happen. Eventually, after I’ve developed arthritis in my middle finger, the thing drops dead. So I go after another one. Next thing I know I’m dead. I frantically search the screen for some evidence of what went wrong. Then, in the top left corner, I see it: my health bar. Which, not surprisingly, says 0. Mystery solved, I busy myself trying to figure out how to get alive again. Well, there’s only one option, so I click “Release.”

Ok, great, now where am I? I appear to be in some sort of graveyard. I suppose that makes sense, but now I have to go find my body. Since I haven’t figured out how to use the map yet, this is going to be a challenge. Somehow, I find my way back to my body and start killing more stuff. I’ve been going at it for a while when my brother looks in to see how I’m doing.

“Having fun?”

“Yeah, but I didn’t realize it would take this long to level! I’m only level 1!”

He stepped in to take a look at what I’m doing.

“Uh, you’re level 3.”

“I am????”

Then he points out my level indicator on my picture. Sure enough, there’s a 3 there. So I start killing stuff again, trying to reach level 4. It had been getting easier to kill stuff, but I just figured I’d finally learned how to use the dagger. I’m just flailing away, having a great time, and my brother asks me, “Why aren’t you using Shadowbolt?”

“I have a Shadowbolt!?!?!”

Yeah. I’m that good.

It's Not Easy Being....Elvish?

2009-05-20T14:52:00.000-05:00

So. We're back to the original campaign.

Against my better judgment - better than the rest of the party I mean, as everyone knows that elves have far superior intellects than mere humans - the party (and by 'party' I mean 'everybody except me') decided that it was indeed a good idea to storm the Yuan-ti stronghold. We didn't so much storm the stronghold as we snuck in, seeing as how 'storming' is usually done by rather large armies with signs saying 'ARMY' scattered about its forces just in case the enemy forces are a bit dim (alternatively, if you object to signs, I'm told that bullseyes are more aesthetically pleasing).

To give credit where credit is due, the party did spend a few minutes discussing our means of entry before rushing in, swords drawn. We debated the merits of knocking on the door disguised as pizza-deliverymen, but unfortunately, we ran into a few obstacles.

1) Pizza delivery does not usually require seven people.
2) We don't have the proper pizza-delivery apparel, this consisting of unfortunately colored polo shirts and a pizza-shaped hat.
3) Pizza hasn't been invented yet.

Given this, we came to the sad conclusion that there was a good chance the Yuan-ti would see through our disguise. Literally, as polo shirts don't hide chainmail very well. Several other ideas for entering through the front door were soon suggested, and even sooner dismissed, including Avon, door-to-door scale cleanser salesmen, a singing telegram acapella group, and a large wooden badger.

We soon came to the conclusion that we would have to sneak in from the back. Or rather, from the top, since the fortress has no back door as it is dug out of solid rock. Beloved Assim volunteers to levitate himself to the second story balcony with a rope so the rest of us can climb up. When we reach the balcony, everyone begins to prepare for battle. Mostly, that means waving their pointy metal sticks about and forcing me to heal them when they poke somebody’s eye out with a badly rolled swing.

Strangely enough, we encounter nobody as we explore this level of the fortress. We do however see a sign labeled “Danger - Snakes” pointing down a staircase. Despite my protests that we’re trying to survive this adventure, the rest of the party rushes down the stairs. Where we see…

…absolutely nothing.

Mostly because it’s dark. Clearly, someone forgot to tell the Yuan-ti that they shouldn’t stop paying the power bill until after they take over the world.

One would think that any disadvantage to the Yuan-ti is an advantage to us. However, humans cannot see in the dark. Elves can, but trying to warn the party of any danger I saw would likely bring said danger upon us anyway. Assuming that the danger can’t see in the dark in the first place. And given that the entire room is shrouded in darkness, I think it’s quite reasonable to assume that whoever lives there can, in fact, see quite well in the dark.Of course, that’s also assuming he didn’t hear us first, as polo shirts hide the sound of chain mail about as well as they do the sight.

Per the standard procedure, the Yuan-ti rush straight for Assim. Per his standard procedure, he casts Grease, which doesn’t seem to do much good, as snakes and other snake-like creatures slither anyway. You’d think snakes would get a bonus to the save against Grease since it’s practically their natural habitat.

Also per the usual procedure, Ysandre and our Valiant Paladin step in to save the day, using skills known only as the Slice n Dice, taught by expertly trained Japanese TV chefs.

After this short fight we rest, once again, because I’m out of spells. As usual.

Stay tuned for the next episode, in which we actually talk to someone before attempting to kill them.

Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Badger Aahhh Snake!

2009-05-07T14:53:00.000-05:00

Ok, so there weren’t any badgers. Just snakes. Lots of snakes.

Our revered leader has a *thing* with snakes. I suppose that is only to be expected with a campaign centered around Yuan-ti, but still, a little variety would be nice. Throw in some undead or something. Oh wait, he did. Undead snakes. It turns out that healing spells damage undead. Sweet baby Jesus, lets kill some stuff! 2d8+5+2 for the feat and hot damn! I'm killin' stuff.

But anyway, snakes.

We have bad juju with snakes.

It started when my dear husband got bitten by a snake. A very large snake as it happens. There were the usual cries of "Oh #$@!#^*%@#!!!!!" as the healer valiantly tried to save the life of the beloved Assim. Or his psionic powers at least. But being lawful good, of course our valiant paladin admitted to no such feelings. (Cynical? Me? Haven't the foggiest idea what you're talking about). Then someone rolled a heal check. Or a Knowledge Arcana check. Or a Spellcraft check. Or something. Who knows? The important thing is, they succeeded and discovered that the Beloved Assim was now a were-snake.

He wasn't so popular after that. There's something about being turned into an unusually large carnivore once a month that seems to bring out the worst in people. Of course, the odd mutterings about halflings and barbecue sauce probably didn't help...

Alas, that was not the end of the snake fetish. Just when Poor Assim thought he was safe,imminent attack on the Yuan-ti stronghold not withstanding, danger strikes. Or coils, rather, as boa constrictors don't strike so much as they meander about one's person until the unsuspecting victim realizes he is wearing a rather nice snakeskin coat.

Fortunately, our Valiant Paladin is much better at killing than he is at healing, and with the help of Ysandre the Duskblade, better known as the Blender of Death, he is able to rescue Poor Assim from the clutches of the rapidly shrinking, self-heating snakeskin coat he so recently acquired.

At which point the entire party, including Poor Assim, decide that it is a Really Good Idea to storm the Yuan-ti stronghold, despite strong hints that there are more snakes in there. The most obvious one being that "Yuan-ti" means "ZOMG we're snakes ZOMG."

Fortunately, wisdom prevails and we decide to go back to town and rest for the night.Then we'll storm the castle, after a rousing send-off from the townspeople yelling "Have fun storming the castle!*" Personally, I was rather glad we were resting, as I'd gotten a rather nasty papercut earlier, and as a result had no healing spells left.

Finally, events conspire to save us from our revered leader's fetish. We're going to play the Other Campaign. Where, instead of snakes, we find ourselves confronted by...

...lizard-men! Which, as we all realized as we stared, dumbfounded, at Other Revered Leader, aren't all that different from snakes. At which point we, being the hotheaded violent humans that we are, took out our sharpened metal sticks and beat him soundly until he promised to never use reptile races again.

*from The Princess Bride, obviously. But you should know that. If you didn't, stop reading this blog; I refuse to acknowledge your existence.

Favored Soul: an Introduction

2009-05-05T14:55:00.000-05:00

This campaign has been…interesting…from the very beginning. Well, from the middle, really, I wasn’t there for the beginning…

My first mistake was joining the campaign halfway in. it couldn’t be helped. I had to be in a different state for two years because I had this crazy idea that I needed a graduate degree (well, I do get an extra point on the geek test for a particularly geeky career, so I guess those six years of school were worth it :D). so I finally graduate, pack all my stuff, and move. And, almost immediately upon arriving, I am presented with……

A shrubbery! And after I have brought them the shrubbery, I must chop down the greatest tree in the forest with…..

A herring!--wait, wait, wrong scenario.

So I get to town, and I am presented with a blank character sheet. I am told that the group needs a healer, which I graciously agree to provide. I mean, I can trip over thin air and slice off my thumb just by looking at a dull knife. The ability to heal myself can only be a good thing. Then he tells me I’m supposed to heal the whole group. What?!? I have like three spells. That’s barely going to cover falling out of bed, poking myself in the eye with my toothbrush, and slicing my knee open with a razor. An hour after waking up, I’m out of spells.

Somehow, I am convinced that this is a good idea. So we make this healer. A favored soul. I am told that favored souls are to clerics what sorcerers are to wizards. As in, we don’t have to prepare our spells every day, but we only have five to choose from, can only cast four per day, and use them all up in the first three rounds of a fight, after which we sit down twiddling our thumbs and heckling the other players.

Since I’m joining this campaign right smack dab in the middle, it is necessary to come up with a “back story.” Also known as “the biggest lie you can come up with.” We decide that I am an elf who, for some inexplicable reason which we never bother to explain, or even figure out for ourselves, is being called to worship a human god. This makes no sense. Everybody knows that elves all think that humans are a bunch of icky, nasty, immature, violent, short-lived bastards who run about poking each other with sharpened metal sticks. And I’m being called to worship the omnipotent being who encourages it? It really doesn’t make much sense. It does, however, lend credibility to my presence in a human town. It was either that, or appearing from thin air just behind the tank yelling “boo!”.

So, inexplicable presence explained, I find myself in this human town awaiting my introduction to an elite party of adventurers. One of whom is a giant were-snake. Who I am expected to heal.

Sorry, dude. Used my last spell healing a nasty hangnail.

I am a Geek - Right?

2009-05-02T14:56:00.000-05:00

I guess I've always been a bit of a geek. More of a geekling, really. I read sci-fi and fantasy and much preferred staying in and reading on the weekends to going out. Not that I had anywhere to go, mind you. I was, after all, a geek.

Do you remember the geek test? I took that test regularly, hoping my score would miraculously change from the last time. I often exaggerated or outright lied in hopes of bettering my score (if you know what I'm talking about without clicking the link, you're just as bad as I am, don't deny it). My dad once described hexidecimal to me - yep, check that I know hex. My brother has all the Star Trek films and watches them over and over again...close enough, check that one too. Played D&D for 12 hours straight...well, it was 6, but 6x2=12, so, yep, check that one.

Then I met my husband. He plays WoW. He can describe, for hours on end, just exactly what the latest patch is going to do to whatever that spell is that paladins use or how I need to respec my warlock because if I use this spell instead of that spell, and get this talent, I'll do like 5 million times more DPS...and I can't even remember the names of the spells he's talking about.

He also plays D&D, and I swear he knows every detail about every class that has ever been invented. This last campaign, I said, "I want to be Keira Knightley in POTC" and sure enough, he knows a class that fits the description.

Me, on the other hand? I just manage to accidentally turn myself chaotic evil. But that's a whole 'nother post...