Writing is Harder Than It Looks

It's so easy to be a geek when all you have to do is consume other people's work.

Producing that material is so much more work.

But that's me. I'm not content to let other people be the geeks so I can be a fan of their geekiness. Nope. I've got to go and create more geekiness.

So what do I do? I decide to write a fantasy novel. But not just one. A whole series of fantasy novels. People will tell you to 'start small' and 'work your way up.' Nope, not me. Those are tactics for normal people. I'm not normal people. I'm crazy and I have too much time on my hands.

I can't even have a normal fantasy novel. It has to be different. So different, in fact, that it needs its own magic system. I mean, technically, it doesn't need one; the fantasy canon provides a perfectly decently set of magical principles for general use for the low low price of $19.95, shipping and handling, and your first-born son. But I'm just too cheap even for that I suppose.

Hey I know. Instead of writing whole books, I should just create the magic systems that go in them. Let's see here, what can we make magic out of?

Oh, I know! Coffee. Coffee-based magic. Whenever you want to cast a spell, you have to drink a cup of coffee. Different flavors of coffee are used for different kinds of spells, and the better the coffee, the more effective the spell. But of course, all magic has to have a side-effect. In this case, the more coffee you drink to fuel your spells, the more jittery you get. Eventually, the effect of the jitters cancels out the power of the coffee and you just can't do any more magic. You also can't sleep.

What about light-based magic? You can use the sun and stars, or lack of them, like the shade under a tree, to cast spells. The power of your spells is based on the intensity of the light or darkness. Drawbacks: sunburn from casting too many powerful light spells.

Hair magic: spin and weave your own hair to do magic. Curly hair is bad for magic because it makes crooked spells. Straight hair is more reliable, but awfully boring. Drawbacks: Bald men can't do magic. Also, if you do enough magic, you'll be bald from using too much of your own hair.

Hell, let's make a magic system that uses herrings to chop down trees. That should be interesting.

Perpetual Newbie, Perpetuated

So.

We learned the other day that perpetual newbie is perpetual.

I've been struggling with DPS despite having the right gear, spec, rotation, and gear enhancements. I was just keeping up with raid DPS.

So.

We were doing a guild run of Naxx. Now, we've got Naxx on farm. We're all in Ulduar and ToC gear at least, and some of us have a few ICC pieces.

So we're in Naxx, about to down Heigan. The raid leader asked for a soul well and I obliged. Next thing I know, the priest (and raid leader's wife) asks me why I'm using the first level of soul well. I'm rather puzzled; isn't there only one level of soul well?

So we get to looking, and there is another level. It trains at level 80. How did I miss that? I decided to double check, and I was missing another 80 spell. And a third. And a fourth...

Horror dawned on me. I HADN'T TRAINED LEVEL 80! Upon further investigation, I hadn't trained 79 either. At this point, my dear dear husband announces this to the entire raid. The raid leader stopped the raid and told me to head back out and train. So I headed to Undercity to train.

I ran out of money.

So our raid leader follows me, despite my insistence that I had trained everything important. He gives me some gold and I finish training.

We head back to Naxx, and my DPS has doubled!

"OMG YOU GUYS I FOUND MY DPS! IT WAS IN UNDERCITY THE WHOLE TIME!"

Damn I'm good.

Flightpaths are Dumb

So I have a 48 priest.

I was in Felwood but needed to head to Undercity. I had a quest to turn in in Searing Gorge and decided to do that on the way.

Well, 'on the way' if you consider a hemisphere a small detour.

The zeppelin to Grom'Gol got to Orgrimmar first, so I took that one, planning to fly to Searing Gorge.

I got there, and then kept going! The flight path took me past Searing Gorge, into the Badlands to Kargath, and then back to Thorium Point in Searing Gorge.

Now what was the point of that?!? It's like going through L.A. to get from New York to Texas.

You Know You Have Too Much Time On Your Hands When...

...you've found the perfect spot in Falconwing Square to camp four easter eggs simultaneously during Noblegarden without moving...

...and you have enough chocolates from camping them to get all the achievements...

...and the spring robes...

...and the Elegant Dress.

...you run from Bloodhoof Village in Mulgore to the hotsprings in Un'Goro Crater, as a rabbit, because you don't have the wand but you want the achievement to lay an egg in the springs.

...you get irrationally angry when you are hit by a basilisk and knocked out of bunny form, right before you get there.

...you have the explorer achievement...

...and Flame Keeper...

...and The Noble.

...you ran Scarlet Monastery Library just to get the books for Well Read...

...and Scholomance...

...and you thought it was fun.

...you organize your WoW screenshots by character and event.

...you make lists like this one...

...and you've done everything you've listed.

Well, *That* Was a Learning Experience

So, it turns out that if you die in Icecrown, start flying back to your corpse, leave to make a sandwich, and come back running in place against a wall in Wintergrasp, it is impossible to get back to Icecrown.

Instead, one must find the waterfall over Icemist Village, fall, run through the village and all of Dragonblight, and then navigate the Crystal Vice to get back to Crystalsong Forest, where one regains the spectral gryphon.

It was a learning experience. A very long learning experience.

The moral of the story: Don't go AFK on a spectral gryphon.

Irony

So.

I love the new achievement system on World of Warcraft. I've had loads of fun trying to get random achievements.

But for the longest time, one achievement was eluding me. I tried and tried and tried, but I just could not get the last requirement.

The achievement? Defeat all the bosses on Heroic Violet Hold. Well, that's easy, right? Just go do Violet Hold. Wrong.

Only two out of the six bosses spawn during any given run. For the longest time, I had five of the six. I just could not get Erekem. He never spawned! My frustration grew.

Then, one day, my husband did Violet Hold without me. You know where this is going, right?

Yep.

Erekem.

I could not believe it. All this time, and he finally shows up while I'm cooking??!?!?

I knew I would never get that achievement.

Then. The very next run. The portal keeper heads in that direction. But there's more than one boss on that side. He won't go to Erekem.

But he does! And I joyfully announce "FINALLY!!!" in party chat.

Ah, that beautiful achievement. It's so pretty. After at least a dozen runs of Violet Hold, I have the achievement. Twelve runs, and Erekem spawned ONCE.

Wouldn't you know it, he showed up the very next run.

Screw you, Murphy.

What Would You Do-o-o For a .....Strawberry Ice Cream?

I was recently asked "What is the farthest you have traveled for food?"

The first thing that came to mind was the quest for Westfall Stew. I swear I killed every boar in the zone before I had the required three Goretusk Snouts. For a rather common piece of anatomy, they sure were scarce. Unless, as I suspect, they were all on crack and their noses just fell off or something (I think that must be the reasoning behind most of WoW's drop rates - have you ever noticed how many seemingly headless creatures are wandering around out there?).

Then I got to thinking. Yeah, the Westfall Stew quest was a pain, but really, I didn't go very far to get it. It just seemed like it because I was running in circles killing everything in the zone several times over.

No, the farthest I ever traveled was quite a bit further than the other end of the zone. Try the other end of the world. And for what? Strawberry Ice Cream.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, you read that right. I traveled the length and breadth of both Azeroth and Draenor for a simple ice cream cone.

It was Children's Week. I love children's week. I stopped by Orgrimmar first chance I had and got the quest. And the orphan. The little orphans are so cute.

So I got out my whistle (is anyone else disturbed by whistling up an orphan? It reminds me a little too much of the beginning of The Sound of Music) and called up my orphan so I could get the quests. Get Cairne's hoofprint, check. Visit the throne room at Undercity and the Mor'Shan Rampart in the north of The Barrens, check. Nothing in Orgrimmar. Of course not. That would be too easy.

So off we go, the poor little orphan running behind my demon horse. We visit the ramparts and get Cairne's hoofprint with no trouble. Then on to the Eastern Kingdoms to visit the Undercity.

So I get all these quests done. Oh, hey, there's another one. He wants ice cream. Tigule and Foror's Strawberry Ice Cream, to be exact. From the racetrack at the Mirage Flats in Thousand Needles. Why couldn't this quest have shown up while I was still on the same continent???? Or better yet, before I'd left Orgrimmar. After glaring at my orphan balefully for a few minutes, I grudging agree to go find him some ice cream.

Back to the zeppelin we go. Thankfully, I find a vendor in Orgrimmar who sells this ice cream, since I wasn't looking forward to a second trip down Kalimdor.

That was my first year doing Children's Week. The next year, I help out the orphans in Orgrimmar and then head to Outland to help the little orphans in Shattrath. This time, I gave the orphan my sternest look and told her in no uncertain terms to tell me RIGHT NOW if she wanted any ice cream. No? Ok, but I'm holding you to it.

So off we go, to visit Sporregar, the Throne of Elements, the Dark Portal, and then to Azeroth to visit Silvermoon City and the Caverns of Time. We had to pass near Orgrimmar to get to the Caverns, so I asked her again if she wanted any ice cream. Nope. Ok, let's go.

We visited all the places she wanted to see, and as soon as we got the toy dragon in the Caverns of Time, sure enough, now she wants ice cream. At this point I threw up my hands in surrender and bought her the damn ice cream.

And that's how I traveled the length and breadth of two worlds for a damn strawberry ice cream cone.

And the worst part is I'll do it all over again next year.